Check out the episode on The Real Talk with Coach Valery Molone Podcast –> Listen Now
I understand how hard it is to raise a child. Especially for you single parents out there. For my two daughters, I have played the role of both their mother and father. Life is hard. Having children are a blessing but it also comes with an endless amount of responsibilities.These responsibilities are what we, as parents make sure we accomplish so that they can grow up to be the best man/woman they can be.
There are things that we must do, but just as importantly, there are things that we should not do in front of our children.
Fighting
I know this is something all you parents out there have heard, but a lot of parents take this lightly and don’t realize how much fighting in front of their children affects them. After a long day, feelings of stress, anxiety and frustration can cause the smallest thing your spouse does, to trigger you. (Not purposely of course) We are humans, and we all have our moments. A lot of my clients have stored these images of their parents fighting which have led them to develop stress, anxiety and self-doubt over the years. This can cause long-term damage to your kids.
I have a memory of hearing my mom cry in the middle of the night after her arguments with my dad. At the time, I was so young and didn’t understand why she was so upset. I didn’t understand how two people could love each other but one of them feel so sad. I also doubted how much my dad loved my mom because if he did, why would be make her cry? Witnessing that fighting sticks with children as they grow up and affects their own relationships. They may believe that fighting is normal and that it is something that can be tolerated and allowed in their own relationships.
If you are fighting with your spouse, try not to do it in front of your kids. And don’t think that just because you put them off to bed that they can’t hear you or know what is going on. They might not be able to hear word for word what is being said, but they will be able to hear the yelling. Kids are like sponges, and they absorb everything.
Talk badly about your ex
For all you single parents out there, this one is especially for all of you. The worst thing that you can do is talk about your ex in front of your kids. Regardless of how old they are. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. For whatever reason, and you may be holding onto feelings of anger/resentment/frustration and cant help but to lash out and bad mouth this person.
Regardless of what what you are saying, what your child will hear is “Mommy is talking bad about daddy, daddy must be a bad man” You may be upset and in the moment call them a cheater, or a liar, and your kids without knowing exactly what happened will start to paint their own picture in their head. Any sort of name calling of any sort is never a good idea. Try talking to a friend, family or even a therapist outside of the house away from the kids. This way you are not influencing them on how they should feel about your ex.
Never fight about money in front of your kids
I know life can get hard, especially when both parents are working endless hours and undergo an enormous amount of stress just to make ends meet. Finances are a tricky topic and are one of the most common marital problems.
Money mentality gets created throughout your childhood. How you think about it, how much you think your worth and how much you should make. If you come from a family that is struggling and always fighting over money, you are going to develop different perspectives on money. You may grow up to be a workaholic. You’re going to spend all your time making as much money as you can because you grew up without it and saw how it negatively affected your family and caused your parents to fight.
Reminder: As soon as your child is of age, it is very important to discuss money with them. It is a topic that needs to be discussed just like the other lessons we give our children as they grow up. The importance of it, the value of it, what to do with it, etc.
To Sum up.
- Try not to fight in front of them
- Do not talk badly about your ex in front of them
- Avoid fighting about money
Tell me in the comments below: What is your takeaway from this episode? What do you believe parents shouldn’t do in front of children?
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